I don’t know how to start this post. I don’t know how to describe what’s happening to me. It’s like a black hole; I can’t describe the thing itself, only how it affects everything else around it.
It’s like the moment God spoke to me on my bus ride home four years ago. A change is taking place in my mind and in my heart. The way I see myself and everyone else is changing. I feel more…alive. More connected to everything and everyone.
It’s not an emotional change. I don’t feel happier or more joyful than before. If anything, I feel like my emotions have less control over me than they used to. My wife and coworkers are reacting to this change. They ask if I’m ok; if I’m angry at them; if there’s something wrong. No, nothing is wrong. Far from it.
When God revealed himself to me four years ago I wanted to share the experience with everyone! I wanted to shout from the rooftops: “God is real, He is alive, and He loves us SO much!”
Whatever is happening now is so amazing, I want to shout again…but I don’t know what words to use. My sight is changing, but it has nothing to do with my eyes. I’m more confident, but it’s so much more than that. I feel more “solid”as an individual, as a human being. And as my boundaries strengthen and grow, I’m seeing others as separate and distinct from myself, which contributes to my rapidly growing sense of well-being. But like I said before, that feeling isn’t tied to emotion, and it’s not tied to circumstance. Somehow over the last few days I’ve been able to enjoy the good and bad moments, because either way I felt alive. I felt life moving and pulsing around me, and it felt “good” in a way that I can’t describe, in a way that has nothing to do with endorphins or norepinephrine.
Sorry this post isn’t more cohesive. I wanted to share because I think something important is happening, and because I want you to experience this as well someday.