…I hope I will see God’s plan unfolding and not the temporary loss of employment and pay.
I wanted to write this post in the middle of my anxiety if (and before) the axe falls so I can capture for you and I what it’s like to stand in the center of God’s plan for my life and watch Him wash away the unimportant pieces with a view unadulterated by faulty memory and post-event emotion.
Yes, I am nervous that I will lose my job today. I’ve got a “bad feeling” and the anecdotal facts are starting to pile up. I was fired from another company earlier this year and my boss and I were exchanging e-mails right up until the minute I was supposed to have a review with him, only to walk into a conference room where an HR rep was present.
The terrible thing about being fired, of course, isn’t the loss of income or the blemish it leaves on your resume. These things can be repaired or replaced. Rather, it’s the way you feel ashamed of yourself, as if you were the problem and not your performance or a host of other possible factors. This feeling of personal shame is a much more difficult problem to solve.
So if I get fired today I hope I can look my boss in the eye and thank him for the opportunity he gave me seven months ago. I hope I can hold my head up with dignity knowing I did the best I could, and not feel that hollow feeling in my chest as I collect my things in a cardboard box and walk out under the gaze of my coworkers. In that moment I hope I will see how God is closing this door so He can open another, far better one.
God give me the strength and courage to do all these things, for your glory.
And if I’m wrong about all this and I don’t get fired, please give me the courage to quit and pursue Your call with the same sense of eternal victory. 🙂