Three Taverns Church

Seeking Approval

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“You unconsciously and constantly ask women/partners to show you you’re OK.” – Mothers, Sons & Lovers, by Michael Gurian

It’s a lot less ‘unconscious’ than it used to be, but I don’t know as it’s any less constant. At least nowadays I can catch myself in the moment of seeking affirmation/approval. That’s something.

I don’t feel like I have a solid base to operate from most of the time, and I’m very insecure, so I’m always looking for verbal confirmation that I’m OK the way I am, or else I look for visual, verbal, or some other kind of cue from women to tell me I’m OK. The sad part is, a lot of times I’ll change “who I am” in a given situation until I find the right “combination” that will get a woman’s OK nod.

Someone, or rather several people, have at various times given me the advice to “just be”. I have no idea what that looks like because I don’t feel like there is a solid ME inside, instead there’s a kid with a stockpile of masks to wear to ensure a constant stream of A-OK’s and approval.

Do you find yourself seeking affirmation from the men or women in your life? If someone close to you asked you to describe your core self, would you be able to answer? How many different masks do you wear on a given day?

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