Three Taverns Church

Mid-Life Crisis At 35?

4 Comments

Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis at 35? I think it must be, because that’s what life feels like these days.

I’ve been struggling with a pornography addiction for over two years, and during those long days I thought I was in “crisis” mode. Then six months ago my third child was born and like someone flipping a switch everything changed in my life. This blog, which I contributed to at least once a day, stopped getting my attention altogether. In the last 180 days I’ve probably written two or three posts rather than the nearly 200 I was on pace for. Sobriety from pornography suddenly became far less important than it used to be and as such I lost my sobriety…but discovered it wasn’t the end of the world. My marriage entered a time of trial but despite that difficulty it’s probably the healthiest thing that’s happened to our relationship since we said “I do”. My house is in foreclosure, I’m in a new job with a new company, church attendance has practically stopped, I don’t write anymore, desire and passion are down across the board…

More than ever I find myself asking, “What the hell am I doing with my life?” The better question probably is, “What the hell should I be doing with my life?” And while I don’t have the answer to that question I know for certain that I’m not happy with who or what I am today.

Do you believe it’s possible to have a “mid-life crisis” at 35? If you’ve been through a “mid-life crisis” would you be willing to share some of your experiences and the things you learned?

4 thoughts on “Mid-Life Crisis At 35?

  1. Yes, I think it is very possible to have a mid-life crisis at 35, 25, 55, and even at 75. I was suffering the effects of a mid-life crisis while also going through one myself–because of my husband’s affair(s) and then divorce… and then my own mid-life crisis. I believe it is healthy to get to a point where you/I/we are not focusing completely on the crisis and what we perceive as the culprit such as porn or whatever but move out of the time of chaos on our journey. Priorities are important to set with God at the top. I think that is important with any faith. We are all fallible–make mistakes–we need to forgive ourselves and realize we can only do the best we can..to me that is with God’s help. If you aren’t happy with yourself..I know this well..others will not be happy–very important.

    I have changed since first reading your blog..I’m on a journey. Love is a big part of that…love for my fellowman. You continue to be in my prayers. If you want to talk feel free to email me or leave me a comment on my blog. Each day to me is a lesson. After crisis, we learn to walk one foot in front of the other until we can walk steadily again. Be blessed and take care! 🙂

  2. Brother, I continue to pray for you and your family. To answer your question (and in agreement with garden2day), I think it is totally possible to have a “mid-life crisis” at 35. Really, I think the whole “mid-life crisis” event is simply evaluating your life to date against a preconceived expectation, whether that be your own expectation, society’s expectation, your family and friends’ expectation, whatever. If our life seems to be “behind schedule” or even “off-course”, we tend to panic. We suddenly are faced with the possibility that…wait for it……..WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL. Holy shnikies! That may be the best revelation we can have in life. Why? Because it is freeing. We free ourselves from the servitude of workaholism, perfectionism, and accomplishment. When we acknowledge that God is in control AND He has a plan that is for our very best, we are free to re-focus our energy on fulfilling His will in our lives. Talk about working efficiently!

    I have recently gone through my own sort of mid-life crisis, evaluating where I am to where I thought I would be or where my friends are in their lives. Financially speaking, I’ve “crashed and burned” in the last 18 months. My marriage, on life-support since the beginning, had the plugged pulled. My struggle with a pornography addiction grew and peaked as I wallowed in self-pity. And yet, God has used this time of trial to grow me in ways that would not have been possible (knowing me) any other way.

    I have grown in my relationship with Him, learning to depend on Him for not only my “daily bread”, but also for the strength to deal with the resulting fallout of hurt and temptation.

    I have grown in my relationship with my daughter, moving from “playmate” status to “Dad/Teacher/Friend” status. While this would’ve happened regardless, I have been able to use the hardships of the past year and a half as life lessons in facing consequences, overcoming obstacles, loving unconditionally, and (most importantly) trusting God.

    I have grown in my relationships with my friends, learning to put more into the relationship than I take out and living an example of forgiveness and accountability.

    I have even grown in my relationship with my ex-wife, relating to her, for the first time, as an equal instead of either lording over her or abdicating my leadership role to her. God has shown me what I took for granted in our relationship and the wrongs that I did and allowed to be done to me. He has shown me that He will give me strength to deal with all of life’s inconveniences, imperfections, and petty slights if I will let Him. And He has shown me the importance of forgiveness and unconditional love.

    I have even grown professionally as I change careers, trading a comfortable salary and the stresses and lack of fulfillment that accompanied it, for a more modest salary and the opportunity to share my passion with people and improve their lives. It has not progressed on the timetable I hoped it would, but then again, I am not in control.

    In a lot of ways, I feel like I am starting over. It is scary, no doubt. It is not a “reset” that I would’ve chosen for myself. But God has shown his sovereignty and provision all along the way, and despite the trials and troubles, He has made it easy to trust in Him.

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