Three Taverns Church

Finding Joy In Living


“The joy of living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step…”
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Thanks to my recent brushes with losing my sobriety I can more easily remember life before recovery. I used to live from one ‘lust hit’ to the next, always calculating when I would get to act out again. Life was a series of these ‘lust hits’, and anything that got in the way was a distraction. The women in pornographic movies were ‘hot’ and they did whatever they wanted to. There were no limits; it was thrilling. The purpose of my life focused on finding opportunities to act out. There wasn’t much joy in this purpose; I mostly felt hopeless and resigned to my fate. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right or good for me, but I didn’t think there were any alternatives. I assumed the way I was living was the best I could do. I confused getting high off pornography with true, God-filled joy.

Today I am celebrating 21 months of sobriety, and my definition for joy is very different from what it used to be.

I don’t live life one ‘lust hit’ at a time, but rather one day at a time (at least, that  is what I do on my good days…there are still days I project into the future and live in fear of what might happen someday). I am blessed with the realization that I have more than I ought to: There is no reason why I should still be in a wonderful marriage, raising three beautiful children. I have taken enough financial risks and squandered enough money to know there is no reason I should be as financially blessed as I am today.

At the root of it all, there is no reason why I should have ever come into existence, no inherent reason why I deserved life, but that God blessed me this way as well. One sect of Christianity (unfortunately I forget which) claims a great proof of God’s love for us is that the universe continues from moment to moment. There is no reason why it should, but for His will that it should.

I often take this life for granted; I take for granted that the sun will come up tomorrow, and that I will be there to see it. But there is no inherent reason why either of these things should be true, except that it is His will they should be true.

I think true joy in living can come from acknowledging these things and being thankful that God’s will for today included me.

2 thoughts on “Finding Joy In Living

  1. RM, I really like this post. You bring up a very good point about God’s will including you. It is so true. I take all these things for granted, too. Thank you for your powerful words. Very humbling.

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