“To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss.”
Big Book, Step 12
Entering recovery for pornography addiction was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love sobriety and the clarity of thought I have now, but that’s not even the best part of the program. Once a week, every week, I get to hang out with a group of 20-30 friends who know the most intimate details of my life and are always willing to listen to my problems. I’ve seen the best of these men fail and lose sobriety – and show up again the following week. I’ve seen men come in the door full of anger and denial, forced to come by pastors and wives, who eventually learn to love our meetings. I’ve seen the haunted look of utter loneliness in the eyes of other men fade with time, as understanding and friendship grow through our program. My own bitter pangs of loneliness come less often than they used to, and do not seem to last as long when they do strike. I see men struggling with the same things I struggled with six months ago and know they have hope if they keep working the program. I see other men who have overcome the challenges I am facing today, and know that I have hope if I keep working the program.
It feels as though we are on an adventure together, growing up in our twenties, thirties, forties, and beyond.
I hate that I am a pornography addict, but I love the fact that I am in recovery. Yes, it bugs me that we never start on time and are forced to sacrifice fellowship and sharing time to compensate. It is true that when I arrive I often feel like I would rather be at home with my family. Sometimes I resent coming to meetings, but these feelings always disappear by the time the meetings draw to a close. Though I’ve been reluctant to go to meetings any number of times, each of those times I left refreshed and thankful for the opportunity to be in recovery.
I need the Twelve Steps and I love the feeling of camaraderie I share with the men in my group. We are all facing the same challenges and we have each bared our souls. There is no hiding left, only truth and peace.
I am so glad I did not miss this experience; I hope I get to enjoy it for the rest of my life.