“In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual value had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living.” Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
After more than a year in recovery, I am still striving; it is a character defect I need to surrender. During my active addiction I turned to my addiction to “dream greater dreams” when I was succeeding; when I was frustrated I turned to my addiction to ‘zone out’. Humility must put an end to my striving. I must learn to accept what is, not what I think I want or deserve.
A promotion will not make me happy. A bigger house will not satisfy my soul. A nicer car to drive, a trip to Hawaii, or a new wardrobe will not fill the aching hole inside me.
I guess I have gained some perspective in the program, but perhaps not as much as I had hoped…just the other day I had a conversation with my boss wherein I very clearly stated my desire for a promotion. So my striving is not dead, yet. I must learn this humility business. I need to remind myself every day that God is working at building my character through the trials of my life. Success without a sound character and spiritual health always results in abject misery. Success without wisdom is disastrous.
God is trying to teach me things every day; every day He is trying to increase my wisdom and faith. When I strive for material satisfaction I get in the way of God’s work.