Dear People Pleaser,
I wanted to let you know that your contract with this company expired today, and I will not be renewing it.
I’m sure this will be difficult news for you to hear; you are always so consumed with making other people happy at your own expense that the thought of someone being unhappy with you and your work may feel crushing. I honestly don’t know what to say to you…I feel a bit sorry for you, to be honest. True, you have caused this company considerable difficulty during your lengthy employment here, yet I can’t help but worry about your future. You seem to have no sense of self-worth; your joy and self-esteem are almost completely dependent on what others think of you, and you are excessively dependent on others for approval. You can’t be “OK” unless everyone around you is “OK”, so you do everything you can to ensure that everyone you come in contact with is “OK”.
You have continually sacrificed the best interests of this company to satisfy the needs of others, even when their needs were completely inappropriate. In your personal and business relationships you let others walk all over you because you are too afraid to have people be angry with you. You really seem to believe that your joy and value are based on the opinions of others, and that you need other peoples’ approval to be happy.
As we part ways Mr. Pleaser, let me offer you a bit of advice: You do not need the approval of others for anything. Don’t misunderstand me: There will be a price to pay for your independence. You will find that as you stop relying on certain people for approval and joy, they will respond quite harshly. These people are ‘controllers’ and they feed off of people like you who allow them to abuse your boundaries. As you withdraw your source for joy and self-esteem from those around you, you will lose friends and, perhaps, gain enemies. Many people will see this shift in your attitude as quite frightening. You have been so predictable and so dependably easy to manipulate that your new attitude will be very unsettling for some of your acquaintances. However, this is a small price to pay for true and lasting joy, a joy you will never find through the approval of others.
You are a child of God, Mr. Pleaser. As one of my favorite authors, Michael Dwinell, puts it, you are the focus of God’s intentionality in the universe. God is fixated on you, Mr. Pleaser, because you are His son. He wants what is best for you; that’s why He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for you. God should be the source of your joy and self-esteem; God’s approval is the only approval you need, and it’s the easiest approval in the world to get. You see, He has already accepted you; you just need to accept Him! You don’t have to do anything else in your life to earn the love and approval of God but accept His acceptance of you!
Once you accept God’s offer you will never need to seek the approval of others ever again. Just think how silly it would be to chase after the approval of your pastor, for example, when the One your pastor works for already approves of you!
Good luck to you, sir. Please keep in touch and let me know how things turn out for you in the future. I’m hopeful that you will take my advice and discover who you are in the One who made us all.