“If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us to be willing.” Big Book, Step 7
God helped me become willing to give up pornography over one year ago, so asking Him to help me be willing to surrender my character defects is nothing new. Before I entered my recovery program I was clinging tightly to my addiction. I knew I wanted to let go, I just didn’t know how. I had to ask God for help, and that is exactly what I find myself doing again now. I am still clinging to many of my shortcomings, afraid to let them go:
- I am afraid to give up a certain amount of selfishness and greed
- I am afraid to give up the desire to want to be lusted after
- I cling tightly to the pride which says I must always be right
- I hold on to the anger and resentment that eats away at my soul from the inside out, while convincing me that it empowers me
- I cling to my doubts about God, to a false image of who He is, and to my demands for proof of the resurrection
- I struggle desperately with the humility to accept the authority of others, especially religious leaders
- I refuse to let go of the idea that there must be something more to life beyond what I have already been blessed with
I need God’s help to be willing to let these things go, because I will never get there on my own. Without God’s help I will continue to rationalize my need for certain defects and I will continue to justify my use of anger and resentment.
God, I need You to break through my denial and help me become willing to let go of all of my character defects. I invite You into my heart; make Your home there and cast out anything You find which is not fit for You.