Three Taverns Church

What Abstinence Taught Me


1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

At the start of my pornography addiction recovery program, in order to recalibrate my sexuality after years of damage through pornography use, I entered into an Abstinence Plan. According to that Plan for 90 days only my wife had the right to initiate sex, and I had the right to wave sex if I felt it would feed my addiction.

As a result of the Plan our usual schedule of sex was cut significantly…and I never felt better! I discovered I had been having sex because I thought I was supposed to, because I thought sex was my most important need, and because of the lust in my heart. I learned that sex is a gift, not a right; I am not entitled to sex and I do not deserve to have sex (be careful not to misinterpret 1 Corinthians 7:3-4). Once I was relieved of these needs for sex I discovered that what I really wanted was affirmation and love.

Some of you will laugh at this, but I also discovered I would not die if I did not have sex for an extended period of time. Yes, I really felt that way when I was active in my addiction. When I entered the Abstinence Plan I remember thinking, “Sure, I can give up masturbation and pornography, but I still need to have sex of some kind!” It turns out, I don’t. The thing I obsessed about for years (sex) was finally put on the back-burner! It was like taking a whiny, annoying child and putting him in a corner; I didn’t have to pay attention to him and his bad behavior. I moved my lust out of the way and focused on more important things.

This exercise was one of the most freeing aspects of my recovery program to-date, and I encourage you and your spouse to give it a try!

2 thoughts on “What Abstinence Taught Me

  1. I’m too damn tired for sex.

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