John 6:66-69 (ESV) “After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
Andy Stanley preached marvelously on this verse several months ago; the context Stanley provided made this interaction between Jesus and Peter come alive. The point of Stanley’s sermon seemed to be: Even when we don’t like what Jesus tells us, what else can we do? To whom shall we go?
The late S.M. Lockridge, in his sermon titled “That’s My King”, makes the following claim about Jesus: “You can’t get Him out of your mind.” Again the point seems to be: Once you have accepted Jesus, there’s no turning back. You will never be able to get him out of your mind; you will never be able to stop thinking about him. Even when you don’t like what He has to tell you, to whom shall you go?
I am going through a very…confusing…season in my life. Two years ago, almost to the day, I had a very startling and miraculous encounter with God. I changed the course of my life as a result of that encounter: I quit my finance job, sought out other career fields, and earned a Master’s degree in Ministry. I was certain I was going into paid ministry once I graduated…until I was hired back into the finance field doing analysis and reporting once again.
These days I sometimes find myself asking God in my morning prayers, “Really? You had me quit my job, go through 18 months of unemployment, and earn a 2nd Master’s degree just so I could go right back to what I was doing before all this started? Really?”
I have prayed for knowledge of God’s will. I have asked Him to clarify His call in my life, to speak to me and to guide me in the way I should go.
God is silent.
This morning during my prayer time I had a familiar thought: Maybe this is all nonsense. Maybe I imagined all of this…Maybe God didn’t speak to me that day two years ago. Maybe…maybe I’m just talking to myself?
Before you panic, I know that’s not true. I know it’s untrue because even though God is silent in this season of my life, He won’t let me go. I can’t get Him out of my mind. There is a silent ‘voice’ in my heart that does not speak but makes its presence known regardless. It is hard to describe. I know He is in there somewhere, though He won’t say a word. I can’t bluff Him into talking to me through threats of walking away because we both know He’s there. And if God is real, and if He lives in me, to whom shall I go?
Have you ever gone through a season where God was silent in your life? How did you know He was still with you?