Question 4: “Am I spending extra time at the feet of Jesus?”
There are some days when I feel in control of my life and my circumstances, days when it is easy to stay away from pornography.
Today is not one of those days.
Even though I’ve been sober from pornography for more than a year now, I still have days where everything is ‘triggering’. I ran some errands with my son today and it seemed everywhere I went there were people I had to ignore and bounce my eyes away from, over and over. I am struggling today to keep my head free and clear of fantasy and focused on reality.
It all started last night: My wife took me on a surprise date to see musician and comedian Tim Hawkins. (By the way, Tim was hilarious and my wife and I had a fantastic time. Click here to see one of my favorite clips of Tim on YouTube). We didn’t get home until 11pm and I didn’t get to bed until midnight…which meant that I didn’t wake up early today to spend time in prayer and meditation. As soon as I woke up I had to cook breakfast for the family, help my wife get out the door and on her way, and then hit the road myself to run the errands noted above. After driving around for a few hours I got home, made my son lunch, and started writing this blog. I got too busy to pray.
I’m lucky that I am not in the Addiction Cycle today. If I were, my lax attitude toward prayer might cost me my sobriety. Generally speaking, the more frazzled and harassed I feel the harder I try to ‘work’ my program. When I am in the Addiction Cycle there is a very strong temptation to ‘work’ my program all by myself. I have to remember that it is only through God’s power that I can stay free from pornography. If it were up to me I would still be using pornography to self-medicate. It is God’s power, and His power alone, that keeps me free. I cannot access that power without submitting to God through prayer and meditation. I can ‘work’ as hard as I possibly can and still lose my sobriety if I try to stay sober alone. I need God, and I need Question 4 to remind me that I need Him.
Today’s challenge: Did you spend time in prayer this morning? If not, how are you feeling right now? Can you excuse yourself for five minutes from whatever you are doing and go pray? More importantly, will you spend extra time in prayer the next time you are in the Addiction Cycle?